they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
