Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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