this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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