I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
