if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize