I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He uses pillows to masturbate.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
