If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
