That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
