My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i think i just lost a toe
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
