my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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