I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
