I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
