is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
