So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize