I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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