my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
