All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
