need another drink. this is the easiest way
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
