what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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