Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize