I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
