so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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