Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
