Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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