So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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