I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
