That's intense
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
