New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think I sprained my soul last night
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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