my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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