Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
