You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize