Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
