Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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