i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
