the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize