So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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