we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
