apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
