On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
