the condom got lost in my hair
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
