A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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