when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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