just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
