i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
