naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
