dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
