Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
