My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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