How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
