Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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