I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
