I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
