Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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