A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
