one might say we're banned from that church
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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