What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
