Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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