I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
