So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
