woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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