Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
