i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
