Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize