I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
