Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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