I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
