I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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