Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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