My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
