Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize