i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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