Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
